They have real confidence
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They have real confidence -
LEARNING 2
As this generation becomes potentially less able, less desirable, less powerful, and loses social status… their confidence is growing.
It’s a strange catch 22; that we appear to feel empowered to embrace our bodies and come into ourselves after we’ve hit our physical “peak”.
Our over 65s’ perspective on this was not the cliche that “youth is wasted on the young”, but rather that real confidence and fulfilment is earned through the hardship and challenge that experience brings.
They have self sustaining confidence
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They have self sustaining confidence -
Younger generations’ confidence tends to rely on external validation. It’s loud and performative with something to prove.
Our over 65s told us that with age comes the realisation that confidence based on external factors is hollow. The feeling of importance that comes with being a mother, or a CEO, or beautiful… is ultimately transient.
“Real confidence” is harder to find and comes later. It’s self sustaining because it finds importance within.
No wonder it’s a little quieter.
“I used to think I was quite an important person. Importance that relies on others is transient…it has to be you”
“I always work to personal bests: what did I do last time and how can I better it next time? Don’t compare yourselves to others”
“We don’t care what others think about us. We always dress up. When we get compliments it feels sweet to be noticed… but it’s not about that. It’s for us”
They give the middle finger to “normal”
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They give the middle finger to “normal” -
We often think of the old as conventional and the young as renegades, but isn’t it the other way round?
Real confidence means permission to give the middle finger to “normal” and lean into yourself and your eccentricities.
Our over 65s set their own, flexible parameters for success. They allowed their relationships and lifestyles to take unconventional shapes. Dictated by what worked for them, rather than what was “normal”.
“We live separately. We see each other during the week but get excited about going clubbing together on Fridays. It’s like going on a date”
“Being an old spinster with
6 cats really isn’t so bad”
“I don’t care anymore and that is one of the real big pluses about being old. I don’t care what people say, I know where I’m at, I'm willing to change my mind if someone gives me some good evidence"
Some women find sexual invisibility liberating
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Some women find sexual invisibility liberating -
Many of our female over-65s spoke about feeling freed from their bodies as they went through menopause.
They found a silver lining in becoming (in their words) sexually invisible in society. No longer defined by their appearance, they felt liberated from from decades of self scrutiny. And free to appreciate their bodies for what they do rather than how they look.
Some also enjoyed how their relationships with men opened up as sexual dynamics faded.